the only people upset with my decision are the people who didn't help me when i asked.

something else.

he#1 is the kind of girl who will say "that's so funny." or "that's hilarious" instead of laughing.

do not want.

i want more laughter in my life.

i don't hate you cause you're a hipster.

i hate you cause you're lazy.

i made a garbage schedule so that the garbage will get taken out weekly. it was he#1's week. the chart says to take it out on friday. i mean, if you wanted thursday would be fine, too. she doesn't take the garbage out until 11:30pm. she's been home all day. no friday class. just sleeping. all day. she doesn't do homework. i know. ok fine. so then i go to throw something out and there aren't any garbage bags.... really? so i say that she needs to put bags in them. she asks me where the bags are. i know she knows. i told her the day before. she's just lazy as hell. so then there's only one bag. (we have three bins) first, she tries to put the bag onto the bin. she can't. she just really can't figure it out at all. which leads me to believe she's never put a garbage bag on before, or she's so lazy she wants me to come to and do it for her. newsflash: i'm not doing it for you. so i explained to her. and then she said i guess i should go to cvs for bags. and i say yes. and she says she's not going alone.... why not? cause she's lazy. has nothing to do with the time of day. and she doesn't care that i've wiped off all my makeup, that i'm wearing rolled up sweatpants because i want to wash everything i own, that i don't want to go cause it's not my garbage day. she says she's not going unless i go. so i go. cause we need garbage bags. we get back and she once again acts as if she cannot put the bag on. and she says to me "it didn't work." so i say "try again." i'm missing the complication here.

while we're out getting garbage bags. she keeps complaining how she texted her friend here and said she really wanted to go to a bar (she's not social) and her friend texted her back and said "we're at a bar! come meet us" she starts complaining, how she has her two friends 'roping' her into going out with them. poor you. it must be really hard that people want to spend time with you. "but they're going dancing. i just want to go to a bar." so to get this straight.... you want to go to a bar. and sit. and then sit some more. and then sit some more. k. just making sure.

this girl is unbelievable. i didn't know that people like her existed. because she literally wants no responsibilities. not for her actions. not in the suite. not financially.

i guess what i'm trying to say is. as inconsiderate as my roommate can be. she has her good points.

the only good point in he#1 is that she gives me her fancy samples when she orders expensive shit. and the only reason she doesn't want them is "they mess with my ocd" cause they're small.....

i don't have pride issues here. i'll use a sample up. samples are free.

he#1: i so wish i had white doc martens right now.

me: (looks as outfit and notices she's wearing a lovely crocheted white sweater and black skinny slacks and a nude sparkle headband) i don't think you need doc martens

he#1: why not?

me: i don't think it does with anything you own. i mean like your whole thing is this retro french audrey hepburn deal.

he#1: are you calling me fat?

me: WHAT?

he#1: no cause the whole reason people can't wear doc martens is cause only skinny people can wear them.

me: i...don't... think that's true. and i didn't say you were fat. i was simply asking what you would wear them with.

he#1: oh. (puts on plain black oxfords and leaves for starbucks)

excuses that don't make any sense.

he#1: i'm really trying to find a black and white striped shirt. but the only kind american apparel has is men's and it's this awful crew neck.

me: oh. try forever21.com

he#1: yeah i mean i just have a lot of trouble navigating the site. there's just so much stuff on it.

me: yeah.... which is why it will probably have one

WHY ASK ME IF YOU DON'T WANT MY HELP?

RM pet peeve of the day

whenever she's agreeing with something she sounds like she's being sexually pleased.

it's always 'mmm'

it makes me and george michael (bluth, you know my only friend) uncomfortable.

he#1 gets some competition

let's call her RM, roommate. he#1 has created more trash in this dorm than anyone. I've got pictures to prove it. She won't do her own dishes, she doesn't take out all this trash she creates, and she's just plain ole lazy. But this is old hat. We've heard it all before.

And just in time, for part of my problems to be solved with a garbage taking out schedule, RM steps in. Here's a little conversation between RM and myself

RM: Are you going home this weekend?

Me: I don't know I might. I was going to

RM: Well, that'd be perfect cause I'm having people over.

Me: Oh, well, I mean, I don't really have a reason to go home anymore.

RM: Oh really? Shit. I mean it'll be two girls. So they'll be one on the floor

*SUBTEXT* If you leave she'll sleep in your bed

Me: I'm probably going to be here.

*SUBTEXT* over my dead body, bitch.

RM: We're going to go out so we won't be home til like late

Late to RM means 5 am. as you'll see.

Me: Ok. I mean I don't wake up too easy so that's fine.

RM: Ok. I'm gonna go to sleep

Me: Ok.

It's 4pm..... I now cannot do anything in my room because RM is a light sleeper. hence why she doesn't sleep here. i snore.

later that evening. her friends arrive.

30 minutes later, she introduces us.

they speak thanglish the whole night. half thai half english. they are loud. they are skinny so i hate them and they look not slutty in slutty clothes. does not compute.

they leave around 11:45ish to go "predrink" or as we say pregame.

i decide i should go to bed around 2ish.

they come in hours after i've fallen asleep. i don't know what time it is. they are loud.as.hell. i don't just say that because they woke me up at what i would later know as 5am. i say that because they woke up the girl in the room over who has a bed furthest from the door. and her door was shut. she got up and told them to stfu. but meanwhile before that, while i was in a half asleep stupor i shifted as to show them that they had woken me. and RM's friend says "Oh! your roommate." subtext: we're waking her up. to which RM responds in thanglish basically 'oh well who cares.'

then at 6am. this time i checked my clock. for FORTY MINUTES someone's alarm was going off. who's alarm? i have no effing idea because they were passed out cold. it went off for so long that i actually fell asleep, had a dream about the alarm being mine, woke up to check, and found out that it wasn't.

then around 10:30, i have to pee. i try to get up to go to the bathroom, and there are piles of shit blocking the already tight space between the beds. and once you get past the piles of shit you have to successfully walk over someone's legs to half open the door to squeeze out to get to the bathroom. i did not sign up to play legends of the hidden temple to take a morning pee.

then i go back and lay down. as it turns out RM is the one on the floor. she gets up and i shit you not, starts iChatting. does she use her headphones? does she turn the volume down? no. she speaks in very loud not whispering thai. there are literally three people asleep in a room and she woke everyone of us up. followed by her going over to the bed where her two friends slept saying: wanna go do brunch? they get up and start to get ready and as this happens, RM goes and lays down in her bed and falls asleep.

so i think from here on out RM is now he#2. not because she's any less of a hipster enemy than he#1 just because the hipster enemies list keep growing.