a convo:

nips: ashley, you're not supposed to list things in your head about why people wouldn't like you. you're supposed to list why they would.

me: i couldn't think of any.

this happened.

my complexes.

in which i discuss in a very self-conscious way my low self-esteem.

i was lying in bed reading shakespeare for class last night. my roomate (let's call her J cause it's easiest) comes in. She was tiptoeing because she couldn't see my booklight.

Me: i'm not asleep you don't have to be quiet.

J: oh. what are you doing then?

Me: reading.

J: i'm pretty sure that's not good for your eyes.

Me: well, it's a booklight, meant to light books.

J: ok. can i ask you a question?

Me: sure

J: how long do you snore when you sleep?

Me:...................um, i don't know. i'm asleep. does it like wake you up?

J: sometimes.

Me: i'll just sleep with my face in the pillow.

J: no no no. i just if i say your name that's why.

Me: ok. that's fine. you can throw something at my face if you want.

J: no i won't. night

Me: night.

I really don't give a shit that my snoring wakes her up. The point is. I snore loud enough to wake someone up. So I can just add that to a long of list of why no one will ever be with me.

I hate my life this morning all because she said that.

classes with phonies.

i've gone through my first week of school! even if there was a snow day, it still totally counts, i mean, i thought about doing work yesterday.

i finally got to today which means i was in my playwriting class! i love playwriting and no amount of new york phonies could ruin it for me. Even though I'm so much like the last kid picked in gym class, it doesn't matter because I was in playwriting today. And I can definitely kick some ass in that class.

After class, I went to financial aid, and after sitting for a short time, a person who worked there called for the next person.

Financial Aid Guy: I was hoping I'd get the girl with the tacos. I should warn you, if you've come to bribe me, you've brought the right thing.

I sat down to find that the man with whom I was speaking was... well, cute. Very cute. If you like that chiseled jaw, blond hair, blue eyed with glasses type. Which I usually don't. But hey, what can I say? He wanted my tacos.

quotes heard from my dorm:

neighbor: i guess i just chose all the classes with tons of homework.

me: yeah.. i guess. i mean, i don't have that much.

neighbor: i know. you're never working. and i have all this stuff to do.

me: ...

fuck you. go complain elsewhere. i could give two shits, if your writing major means you have to write.

you know what i always hate?

when someone preemptively tells you, you can't have something of theirs. i didn't ask for any. but go ahead and tell me why i can't have some.... ok are you done? good. cause i don't give a shit. and i didn't before you started talking, and i don't now.

as if that wasn't bad enough, these are always the people who come ask you for shit. do i stop you from walking up to me like "no you can't have a piece of gum because i don't have the money to buy a new pack and i precisely planned out this entire pack." no. i let you come up and ask. and i say yes. because i am not as much of a defensive asshole as you are.

additionally...

i reread an old entry, i STILL wonder whether the neighbors or anyone sees me naked everyday. i change in front of an open window. it faces the street. i doubt it.

also, additionally was my favorite transition word in elementary school. i'd use it in every "essay" i wrote.

things i have to do before i leave:

1. pack - if anyone could see my room right now they'd be as overwhelmed as i am. i don't understand how i'm meant to empty it into a cubicle dorm room.

2. spend time with missy- this could actually be more important than packing. i'll miss my little missy moo more than i'll miss my family. truly.

3. breathe - it's hard to remember this step for me. a lot.

4. don't let thunder cunts get me down - PIVOTAL.

5. breathe - see? i already forgot.

reasons to read stephanie perkins' novel Anna and the French Kiss

i trust john green. so when john green says a book is romantic, i believe him. i purchased anna and the french kiss and i do not regret it. so if you trust me (alex), read it. it's positively adorable and romantic and then adorable again.

here are some other incentives:

1. hot boys.

2. boarding school in paris

3. french people

4. foodgasms

5. one particularly amazing romantic lead with a french name, british accent, and american citizenship

6. things you wished happened to you when you visited paris...oh wait, that one's for me.

so. read it. just read it. you won't regret it.

PS- the author of this book is a nerdfighter AND has blue streaks in her author picture. PICK HER!