sparkly sparkly nail of the day.

hello kitty blueberry with OPI gone gonzo over.

yesterday was a good day. :o)

back in the swing of things.

someone (@mizzlimberg) once encouraged me to start a nail blog. or rather to restart my nail blogging, as pretty much anyone on any social network has seen or heard what color is on my tips and toes.

i think she mostly said it because if i take a picture of it, it will last forever on the immortal annals of the internet. and because i pick off my nail polish everyday.

so today, i have zoya charisma on my nails. which is basically two different colors in one. in the sunlight: it's a bright neon purple. and indoors, it's a beautiful sassy purple.

but just to make mizzlimberg jealous. i added a glitter gradient. because i know she wants one. but she has shellac on her nails (aka they're in polish prison for one to two weeks).

so i'll leave this entry with a pic. and i'm off to the container store and lush. as i do every thursday. because i have off.

excuse the cuticles s'il vous plait.

$300 sigma giveaway say whaaaaattt?

yeah, gimme some of that. :o)

http://www.handmadereviews.net/2011/10/sigma-300-giveaway-and-sigma-coupon.html

check ch-ch-ch-check it out.

i miss blogging.

this week. has been a very busy week.

i still can't even tell you if i want to go to new school. no no no. i can tell you that i don't want to go to the new school.

i had a dream someone told me they read my blog. and i was like oh! i should update that!

this week has literally been the craziest week ever.

i tried a real tea that i liked!

i am staying in a super swank ny apartment (note: soon to be mine as well).

i was verbally harassed by a shift leader at work, who subsequently got let go the next day.

met an angel.

i was locked out the/my apartment twice.

i went out for the first time ever with some coworkers.

i renamed hamsters.

i placed an avon order!

i worked everyday 10 to 7:30. (except for on the day i was harassed, because she also made me clock out early and leave).

i missed new jersey.

i'm gonna go today on my day off and get a facial (HOPEFULLY!)

and pick up a few items before i head home on saturday.

i also am fully committed to cleaning the entirety of ashley's room as i have been sleeping there while she has been away.

so i guess that's that.

i heard firecrackers, and my immediate thought was 'oh, i better get missy, she'll be scared.' but i can't get her. cause she's not home. and she's in a home where people will love her and she'll have adopted brothers and sisters.

but i miss her little fuzzy body running to the door when i get home. she's not there when i wake up. i squeezed the pillow next to me this morning by mistake. i guess i need some new habits.

and a stuffed animal.

today is the last day... of my first week... of my sixth job.

and it certainly has not been an easy week. and tonight will not be an exception. as a matter of fact, tonight is the most trying night of them all. as i will be leaving my job, getting back to new jersey at ten.... to stay up til 3 watching harry potter.

I CANNOT STRESS HOW WORTH IT THIS IS THOUGH. <-- at first, i typed 'tho' but i always feel trashy when i don't finish words with -ugh at the end.

let's paint a picture of my first week.

wakeup:5am. rush around. do shit. sit on train for 1.5 hr. take subway, then wander for an hour. struggle through trying to remember what to do. feel stupid. try again. break. wander. eat peanut butter sandwich (made fun of everyday for bringing one). make more mistakes. rush around. walk to subway. have co workers make excuses to not stand or get on subway car with me. run through penn. crowded train. try not to get attacked at somerville station (irrational fear as someone once told me all the crackhead and homeless people live behind the woods at that parking lot). home at 10:15. check email. try to stay awake long enough to take makeup off and brush teeth (achievement unlocked!). sleep at 11. repeat.

Today is not my day and it's only 9:58am

i have three interviews this week.

and it feels like my future is depending on these little minuscule moments. granted, this is my anxiety speaking, but there is so much pressure in general based on interviews. anything out of place, i fear will be scrutinized and analyzed.

and it.makes.me.nervous.

very nervous.

i mean, how can a place tell if i'm right for the job?

i think i'm right for a lot of jobs.

but then again, i haven't gotten one yet... so there's that.

so when this "Dont worry if you have done the task assigned to you, and its not paid on the 30th or 31st day, you will be paid."you get a little worried. i mean, that's not reassuring. if we don't pay you by the time we're supposed to pay you, don't worry.

but i am worried. i want my money.

June Favorites!

So a lot of beauty vloggers on the tube of you, do a monthly video outlining their favorite things. for the sake of my two readers, i'm going to be doing the same.

there will be some avon stuff in here, not only because i'm a representative, but because i'm discovering a lot of new products because i am a representative. but they have not asked me to review anything, and everything i am putting on this blog has been purchased by me (AVON or not)

Number Eight: e.l.f. blush brush.

it looks like this:

and basically it is perfect for contouring, which i don't like to do heavily because bronzers look funny on me. but this brush provides the perfect touch and angle to contour lightly and without streaks. plus, it's $3.

Number Seven: clean & clear skin brightening facial cleanser

i purchased this cleanser on a whim while in my first few months at school, and it literally cleared my skin up. i guess because i had been drying it out with acne washes for so long it could actually remain balance with this wash. plus it makes your skin feel all cold. but if you don't like beady things on your face, i'd skip this wash. $5-7. (i stock up when they're on sale because i don't know if it will be discontinued or anything.)

Number Six: avon supershock liquid lip shine with spf 15 in melon madness

here it is in the tube and on my mouth. this lipgloss comes out in the current campaign, and i ordered an advanced demo to see if i liked it. the wear time is good. the color is not too sheer and not too pigmented. ever since MAC released wonder woman, i've been seeing a lot more of these larger tubes/wands. this, like my MAC lipglass in wonder woman have huge applicators, but unlike my wonder woman it doesn't splash out of the tube when you yank it open (and you do have to do a little yanking) $5 (this campaign)

Number Five: ALDO verch.

Verch is a handbag that i literally got yesterday. so i cannot verify if the quality will lead to breaking quickly. i can only say that i love this bag. it is the perfect size, and shape and color and print. it is great for city life because it have a zipper and a flap that snaps closed. it fits all the things my previous cross body bag was too small to fit, plus it looks more mature.

it retails for $40.

Number Four: avon moisture therapy intense hand cream

my uncle's girlfriend put this into my christmas present. and my first thought was oh nice, i need some hand cream right now. so i put it on as soon as it was out of the bag. my life has literally changed. the same way lemony flutter (which will always be the best cuticle cream ever) changed me, this hand cream became the best hand cream i've ever used, and now everyone in my family uses it. it's probably the main reason i decided to become an avon representative. to spread the love of this hand cream. since christmas, i've used three tubes. i use it nightly on my hands and feet. the thing about this cream is, it's really weird. it feels almost like vaseline when you apply it, but after like 45 seconds, it's absorbed into your skin leaving you free to touch things, which some former hand creams or salves leave it impossible to do. everyone in my family has also started to use the body lotion from the same collection, and in otherwise super amazing news for me, the body lotion now comes in an SPF 15 version which was really lacking for me. cause i wear sunscreen everyday in summer. 3 for $5, during this campaign.

Number Three: e.l.f. eyelid primer.

this primer takes a little more work than say, urban decay's potion primer, because in order for this one to work the same as udpp it has to be set with powder before you apply eyeshadow. BUT the reason it's on my favorites list is because it is $1. ONE DOLLAR. UNO DINERO! at target, this little puppy is constantly sold out, so i like to get honey bunches of eye primer when i see they're in stock. for that little extra effort, it's worth the $17 dollar difference between e.l.f. eyelid primer and udpp. end.of.story.

Number Two: essie borrowed and blue

such a big photo, yo. that's cause i imported it via tumblr. basically i bought this polish for $4.5 at woodbridge mall, essie's are usually closer to $8, so i was pumped, and this color is kind of hard to find, so i was really pumped actually. i love the way it looks on me and on other people (i put it on my very tan friend the same day i painted mine) i have used this nail polish at least four times since i bought it two weeks ago. that's a large amount of times for someone who has nail polishes in her collex she hasn't even ever tried.

Number One: wet n wild mega liner liquid eyeliner in 861 or black.

i cannot use felt tip liners, sam i am, i cannot use them in a box, i cannot use them on an ox. wet n wild liners have a brush tip. which i firmly am in favor of. and i appreciate it so much. basically since i have purchased this, about two months ago, i have used it everyday i wore makeup. it is literally the find of the century to me. because it's $3-$4. for something i use so hardcore, that's cheap.

this is my attempt to show you the liner in the bottle and on my eye. it goes on smooth and it has a lot of staying power. it packs a lot of black into the color. it is the best liquid liner i've ever tried ever. i rec it to everyone ever. that's why it's my number one june favorite.

you know you're old when your email addresses and usernames are all your actual name.

ashlayton@hotmail.com

anlayton.

ashleylayton.avonrepresentative.com

IM SO OLDDDDD

ASHLAYTON.BLOGSPOT.COM

^ whyyyy i want to revert back to my ages when teawithshley was an acceptible format of username. or smartbrunette4L which was my aim name.

life.

so upon clicking around my internet machine, i found a pretty sweet giveaway for sigma brushes which are basically my recommendation for everyone who asks me for the best reasonably priced brushes around.

http://www.handmadereviews.net/2011/05/sigma-beauty-350-summer-2011-giveaway.html

check out hand made reviews if you want to enter.

i baked more cookies.

with saa saa's help. so idell's.... want some more baked goods?

dear two readers,

i am now an avon representative. so if you need to order anything from avon, call me, or if you think it'll be $30 or more, order online for free shipping directly to your house (as opposed to me dropping it off for a .75 cent shipping fee)

http://ashleylayton.avonrepresentative.com/

also, just in life, and i could talk about this for hours,

i recommend the moisture therapy intense hand cream, literally saves my hands and feet tout les temps. no shitting you.

http://shop.avon.com/shop/product.aspx?pf_id=38612

also until thursday when i place the order, they're only 1.99 each. yay!

ps- i'll probably recommend a product each campaign because then it'll be online and whatnot.

conversations with ex-boyfriends

nate: you should come to my show tonight.

me: but... why?

fight #8742393844287394913899 with my mother.

it was about a salad.

she called and asked me to make one as a part of our dinner. i said yes. to which she asks, can you cut it smaller this time though?

to which my natural response is why?

and her natural response is FINE FORGET IT. you just can't do anything without an attitude.

i try to ask again because my puny young adult brain is still on how my salad isn't even living up to this fool's expectations.

she says she wants it bite sized. because it looks better. because she doesn't want to have to use a knife.

i'm sure that extra effort will really compromise the no working out you do.

...

nips: i don't like seeing people who hurt me in pain themselves. it's upsetting.

me: oh really? i do.

this friday

i was meant to visit a therapist. then i was meant to go to a mass in brooklyn in which they will say my grandmother's name. but instead, i have a job interview. and then upon gazing on le craigslist, i noted two salons looking for receptionists asking for people to stop in, so i will stop in.

i'm hoofing it hard.

wish me luck.

become.com

ever since my epic prom shoes from irregular choice (a quirky british shoe brand), i have been searching for a pair of everyday weird shoes like my prom shoes. while perusing my local dept. store, i found a pair of sandals much to the beat of that drum by a brand named poetic license. upon researching, i found that poetic license is actually made by irregular choice (small world, ah oui).

anyway, i was looking for places that vend poetic license, and i stumbled upon become.com. the thing about become.com is, it doesn't look like much. it's not super fancy. the web design isn't out of this world, but they literally have so much product. i'm not sure how it is i've never heard of them. maybe they're new. or maybe their warehouse is actually other warehouses. i can't pretend to know. but anyway.

if you're looking for high top shoes, you can search for that, or pumps, and footjoy classics, and nuture shoes, and so on and so forth.

though the website isn't mind blowing, it does have a lot of stock, including some poetic license flats i'm currently eying. overall, i'd give it a B-.

it's 5am. it's 5am. it's 5am.

it's actually almost 6 am.

why am i awake? i'm not actually sure.

bloggity blog blog BLOOOOOGGGGG

i went into le new york city, le upper east side today for a job interview with alice's tea cup, where le autre trashley works. well, she works on the west side chapter but the same company. i don't know how it went. i thought it went well, but i could be wrong. i'm usually wrong. so let me continue le job search, ah oui?

hey alex, i gave your family le cookies. i hope they like them. but i'm worried that they suck. they're soft. so that's good. oh i have a photo. hold on. *le emails

herself photo via phone*

also the flash made them looks like snooki cookies which i assure you, they were not. they were chocolate chip.

today could've gone worse, i suppose.

i'm wearing shorts

for the first time in like 3 years. no joke. denim shorts. this is a day where i am triumphant over my poor excuse for a body! bang-a-rang!

i haven't been as active as usual.

for that i blame my boring summer life. but this weekend wasn't boring!

on friday, i went shopping with nips. which means.... new clothes that i didn't have to pay for! i got 3 summer dresses and a new romper! and also an overdue replacement for my liquid foundation brush which died in an unfortunate perfume rollerball accident in which glass became embedded in it's wooden handle. and i fucking lived for that brush.

it had it's minor snags. but just small ones.

and saturday, was brian elizabeth conlon's surprise party! which was less of a party and more of a gathering at a really crowded beer garden. but he was surprised. and we all had loads of laughs. and made a potter pact. which is a proper idea. cause we made brian swear too. even though he hates hp.

the beer garden was in queens. and it took us maybe 20 minutes to get there. so to make our 12:43 train, we left at 11:40. too bad the NQR line just sucks balls. cause we had to jog to make the 1:22 train which was the last train of the night. but jess and i made it. and made it home.

i'd say it was a success.

and now i'm chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool. watching the william and kate lifetime movie. it's the worst piece of shit i've seen in a while. truly exhasting.

on facebook

when you click through to strangers' profiles and look at their stuff, you know you do it, maybe not as much anymore but i was just doing it now.

looking at pictures of boys in metal bands whom i used to be hella attracted to.

what the hell was i thinking? i mean, honestly, scene kid, you're trying as hard as hipster boys, but you look twice as dumb.

brb, being attracted to real men.

looking for a job is hard business.

so much stress. i hate being an adult. i want to go back to high school forever.

bluefly.com

besides having adorable commercials, andy cohen inside his closet, which was refreshingly small and relatable, i might add, bluefly.com has tons of designers. big names like alexander mcqueen and marc by marc jacobs. and by big i mean dream brands. as a college student, bluefly also has brands more realistic to my price ranges. and sales on those dream designers. bringing them just within my budgetary reach!

currently on one of their main pages they have a link to dresses under $100. which is helpful. but even more helpful is this thing they have on their site, a concierge service. it's basically a stylist, saleswoman, and bff wrapped up in one. it popped up during the first few minutes of my browsing, and i decided to give it a go. so i asked yolanda, who was my style concierge, for a recommendation for a piece of quirky jewelry. she guided me to this adorable bracelet. which makes her not only wise in her decision but also very stylish. it is only $19 on top of all of that.

on further browsing bluefly i drooled over some marc jacob handbags , and miu miu dresses.

overall, i'd really give the site an A. it has a wide range of designers. you can spend what you think is reasonable and still look pretty epic.

i have food pictures. but they're on my phone and i'm lazy.

i just wanted to say that the class where the freaking recyclables talked and were annoying, i got a C+ in that class. HONESTLY. the teacher was a flighty, unorganized woman who didn't know how to lead a discussion and her only goal of the class was to help us become better formal writers for essays and life. well, i wrote five essays for that class, right before we did our final take home essay, she handed me back all of my former essays. they all had the same grade. shock! how could i have not improved without knowing what was wrong with my writing?! how could i? as i type this i'm becoming more and more angry. if she docked me a grade for missing 4 classes, all of which i was sick for, that's fucking ridiculous. i hate the letter C. i hate the grade C. and why put a plus on it??? cause she didn't think i deserved a B-. Oh good.

i got another C+ in my theater theory class. but i understood zero percent of that class, so i understand that grade makes sense. i didn't even try in that class because i ended up giving up.

but i tried in her class. i did ALL the readings. i participated. i handed in papers on time and as asked. so i think it's ridiculous that i got the same grade in the class where i tried the hardest and the class i tried the least.

FUCKING NEW SCHOOL.

tonight's dinner

includes yellow brown rice which i made and it didn't have extra water or turn out soggy. i am getting better.

and it also includes green beans. but not just any green beans. i browned onions in olive oil and then added balsamic vinegar and worcestershire sauce and heating until the onions absorb the mixture. then i tossed in steamed green beans and made sure they were evenly covered.

the whole thing ended up something like this:

pork loin cooked not by me.

food for thought.

this pizza was delicious.

in my quest to learn to cook new things.

i made oven fries yesterday (not pictured) and tonight i made whole wheat pizza dough and homemade pizza sauce (pictures to come). it's in the oven right now. i really want it to taste good cause it was pretty easy to make. i like kneading dough.

yay cooking!

last night when i got back to my dorm

i wanted to tell he#1 that i had a good night. so i tell her. and then she goes "i have to go to bed; i have SO MUCH WORK to do tomorrow."

how the fuck is that possible? the semester is over. you told me yourself you have class on monday and it's a pizza party. honestly, you are not that important.

also i tried to watch both parks and rec and my computer froze.

rant end.

good thing of day: i get to see missy later.

i'm packing. which is turning out easier than i previously thought.

i have had a super new york couple of last days of the school year here

because yesterday i had my super feast/ ice cream dinner/ salad that comes with a bagel.

and i handed in the last thing i needed to hand in for the semester.

and today, i attended my last class, playwriting. and heard my friend's play. kate's play was very good. glad i stuck around to hear it.

then we walked to union sqaure, as we have done for a few weeks, and i realized i had to say goodbye. kate is a senior and she is moving in a week to vermont. she still has one class next semester but it is one day a week. i will still see her. but definitely not as much. she was in 2 of my 4 classes this semester.

i really honestly truly wanted to cry.

kate was a friend i made. and it was really hard to relate to 19 year old hipsters. but amongst the sea of toms and parliment smoke, kate was a kate spade inspired 23 year old. and we got along. because when i told her it was hard to make friends at new school, she said, "i know. i've been here for a year and i haven't made any."

and by the time i got home, kate had texted me asking me to a movie. with evan from our playwriting class. i went up to 86th and 3rd to see bridesmaids. what a good decision. it was a very funny movie and the company was even more entertaining. and then i saw what a real live new york apartment looked like. and i liked what i saw. and more importantly, kate has a dog. a friendly adorable dog that i felt so at home with.

and i ended up on the subway with evan who also takes the L but a few more stops into brooklyn. and we had a good chat. and i am happy i finally had people to talk to and joke with. it's bittersweet that it's the end of the semester, but we'll always have next semester.

as a celebration of finishing school, i ordered lebanese food.

literally the single most epic meal i've ordered in new york. so delicious. so much food. all for $15 including tip.

i love my native people. i love lamb. and i love, i love, i love tabouli.

i've just decided that for dinner, i'm going to get frozen yogurt and a new nail polish. BAM.

for now. i'm going to rest. then, i'm going to pack. i'm pretty pleased with today. it could be better. ie, coney island. but this is the second best way today could go.

the things that are bad about today:

1/ hot messica not being able to come in, sos we can go to coney island

2/i didn't sleep well, and got up super early

the things that are great about today:

1/even though jess couldn't come, it's ok cause i can't really afford to do anything anyhow.

2/i stayed up late to do my sally hansen sticker floral nails. and got up early to do my hair.

3/ i got free shampoo and conditioner (full size) pictured above. did i mention free?

4/ i'm waiting for my lebanese food to be delivered. which i'm pretty effing psyched about.

5/ nips and i didn't fight on the phone.

6/ another good eyebrow day

and finally, i am moving out of this dorm. this belongs on neither list.

i have summer plans. work. and save money.

but my most interesting summer plan and summer goal is to learn how to cook 40 dishes. that's 40 dishes on top of the probably 10-12 i know how to cook now. i want variety so i can stretch my dollars.

here is what i know how to cook:

1. shepard's pie.

2.taco casserole

3. stir fry

4. rice (kind of)

5. spaghetti and marinara

6. bbq chicken

7. burgers.

here is what i kind of know how to make but not really:

8. homemade mac and cheese

9. meatloaf

10. stuffed grape leaves

11. tabouli

12. grilled anything

and here are some things i know i'm going how to learn to make:

1. spanish chicken and rice

2. lasagna

3. baked ziti

4. kibbe (lebanese)

and others.

i also want to learn how to make some desserts. not many, but some.

i need to learn to be an adult. i'm starting with my favorite part of being a human-- eating.

busy as a finals bee.

i'm working on my last thing due in my first semester at the new school.

so i shouldn't be blogging.

so i won't.

this is why i don't update my facebook, baby.

because as soon as i do, people who i don't want to talk to realize i still exist. i do not like it one bit.

LMM called as soon as i posted a status update. like... what?? suddenly, you don't want to stalk little miss neidtface anymore so you'll give me a shot?

also, jess, because you don't know who LMM is be sure to text me for details.

one good thing today: i finished all the stuff that's due for tomorrow before midnight so i can sleep.

i also painted my nails three times. i also watched starship. i also started packing. i also went to class. #achievement

another thing.

i never got a chance to reflect on this but on thursday i was stranded in raritan for an hour and a half. i was awaiting my ride. and i was pacing around near quick chek. i love me some quick chek. and well, at about 1 hr 20 min, a guy pulls up, about 40, cacausian, wearing ugly sunglasses, smoking a cigarette and says: "hey do you need a ride?"

to which i reply: " no thank you. i'm ok."

and as he drives off i wonder, WHO THE FUCK WOULD GET INTO YOUR CAR????!!!! who has said yes to you. how many women have you raped or killed??? what the fuck. creepy. as. hell.

this is going to be a weird one.

i have a lot to reflect on.

1. i love holographic nail polish. i love taupe nail polish. i got a holographic taupe nail polish today. it's now my second favorite nail polish.

2. it was a weird mother's day.

3. i'm moving out on saturday.

4. paintball episode of community- awesome.

5. and this is where it gets really weird. over mother's day dinner, we got on the subject of osama bin laden. a weird weird thing to do. at a lebanese restaurant. or any restaurant. and what's even weirder is that we all felt the exact same way about it. we agree on nothing. absolutely nothing. but as it turns out, our morals and ethics come from a very similar place. family. who knew?

dear president of douchetopia:

it is not super warm out. just because you work out and you have a back tattoo doesn't mean you need to throw the ball around with your friends without your shirt on. and why does you friend not have a shirt, either? i'm confused. it's so douche-y that my mind can't even handle it. it's crazy.

why are people stupid?

i don't understand. i wake up. to the sound of someone else's alarm. and not some song. a beep. an electric annoying loud beep. i walk into the next room and he#1 goes: "it's not mine." ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??!!! guess how hard it was for me to walk over and hit sleep? harder than it would've been for you. plus cool hipster is in the shower and i have to pee. so i have to walk down 8 flights to the sub cellar bathroom. and as i leave my room. someone left the garbage chute open. people. LIFE IS NOT AS HARD AS YOU MAKE IT. shut the fucking door and the hallway will not smell like a diaper.

now that i've complained. one good thing about today: i'm drinking orange juice. it's delicious.

what a weird week i've had so far.

specifically because i have had this running motif of broken glass. it keeps happening. three times. which is weird. and i don't know what it means if i'm not asleep when the glass breaks.

in dreams, it means impending orgasms or something like that.

in life, it usually undoes any bad luck you've made by smashing mirrors or walking under ladders.

but i haven't broken any mirrors, nor does that make any sense. because a mirror is actually glass. so... explain that to me.

i also have a short, ok, long list of papers i've got to do for finals.

1. 10 page theater theory. also there is a project due tomorrow. i am going to have to bullshit this one the hardest. since i do not understand a gosh darn thing in that class.

2. a shakespeare paper analyzing a passage.

3. a 8 page, 3 subject essay for dramatic literature.

4. oh, any these response papers i didn't do for the first class, i have four more to do. due last week but the teacher extended it because no one in the class did them.

i have much to do and i am a little stressed about it. not terribly too stressed about it though. i'm anxious about not understanding theater theory and having the most work to do for that class, but otherwise i'm ok.

i have just made a post excusing not posting for a day when in fact, that day, is in may. beda mission suceeded.

as usual this still counts as sunday

i have very happily made it back to new york without any costumes in tow. no work for me to do here but finals work. :O) this pleases me.

beautiful day. for building and making magical play items. and working and laughing and sewing.

being a chicken without a head

is hard. but i know that i would much rather panic and work hard for people who also work hard.

in which i discuss my katy perry girl crush.

back in my senior year, i used to watch music videos while getting dressed. and very popular was the cupid's chokehold video. and i wanted to be just like the girl at the end of the video in the hoodie. in a few months, we'd all know that the girl is katy perry. who was a kitschy, beautiful, goofy singer. she kissed a girl and she liked it.

she represents everything i find beautiful about women. she has curves. yes, she is really skinny. i don't say "oh, she's curvy!" and pretend like we have the same body. obviously she is a professional performer who wears ice cream bikini tops. and i am not. she has big eyes. she has dark hair. she wears leotards. if i were a sex symbol, i'd want to be katy perry.

sidenote: actually, this isn't a side note. it's a front note. katy perry has always had incredible nail art. always. always. she has fimo canes on her nails on her one of the boys album cover. she is a nail art icon actually. she sparked the whole minx trend. she has her own nail polish line, including one of the best selling items in recent history: black shatter.

i used to listen to one of the boys everyday when i drove to rv. and now i listen to teenage dream at least once a day. it is the only cd left in my car in nj though the rest have been removed.

so yeah. i have a girl crush on katy perry.

i hope to come back in another life as katy perry.

things i miss:

-alex niedt (she's leaving tomorrow! noo! don't go!)

-missy

-when glee was funny

-being skinny

-being 19

-having money

-etc etc etc

and apparently.

while i was gone, benjamin button made a comeback.

i'd say it's a day pretty well spent.

i got to meet alex's flatmates! and go traipsing around new york with them. we went to david letterman. it's not something i'd soon repeat.

i FINALLY got to see glee shooting in ny. FINALLY. but as it turns out, darren criss left yesterday.

he's such a jet setter.

anyway, even if alex's flatmate got irrationally angry, i was still hella excited!

how is it that

rachel lost all that weight between seasons but finn didn't?

new york is hot.

so hot. i'm sweating. i guess it's time to retire the fringe boots for fringe sandals (IWISHIHADTHESE).

things about today

1. i accidentally hit dismiss instead of snooze, and therefore am missing both of my classes.

2. i'm in new jersey.

3. sometimes, my boob gets tired of holding itself up, that happened. it hurts.

4. i don't have any clean clothes to wear.

5. i'm hungry.

the endddddd.

conflict

it's raining. and it's supposed to thunderstorm for most of the night/ morning tomorrow. and i'm supposed to just leave missy alone?? i feel awful. missy hates le thunderstorms. i don't want to leave later though. should i leave tomorrow morning? idk. idk idk idk idk.

again still (unfortunately) awake from today.

and i am exhausted. and i have zits forming that hurt.

i'm still awake from friday

so this still counts.

go see jerusalem. just go fucking see it now.

you know how people solicit on the street?

not like prostitute. like try to get them to sign something or buy something.

yeah well, i was in herald square earlier and some guy (of african american persuasion, which will matter in a second) while i had my headphones on was like "miss! i have to ask you this question: do you like black people?"

yes.

facts about today.

fact. my toes are now mint green

fact. i painted my nails twice yesterday. and once today.

fact. no one has seen my nail color any of the aforementioned paint jobs.

fact. i did not sleep a lot last night but i did manage to stay awake thus far.

fact. i have to read the author's preface to miss julie.

fact. we have no toilet paper.

fact. these facts are boring.

toilet paper standoff: part II

who will fold? will anyone ask anyone to get toilet paper? will someone go into the bathroom only to discover there is no toilet paper and the people outside the bathroom know and wonder awkwardly how their business went down? will i end up at cvs? will i hold it for days on end?

answers to all these questions and more. but truly, only time will tell.

this story is incoming. check back for details tomorrow.

hey you guys.

glee was good last night. cause it featured plot.

i slept really well last night.

random facts about me today:

1. i slept really well last night.

2. my toes are pink. (the pink nail polish alex gave to me for my birthday last year)

3. i did not read miss julie. i did watch miss julie while sewing leaves and i have read miss julie before.

4. my skin looks really nice right before i put makeup on it.

5. i just read that glee is shooting in ny and also i know that darren criss is at the today show. le sigh.

6. my cold is rearing its ugly head... again.

7. if it rains today, and it will, i am taking the subway.

the end.

i've been thinking a lot about new yorkers.

and how people think of them as unfriendly and self-serving.

mostly, this is true. i can't lie.

but today, i was not an unfriendly new yorker. i was a nice new yorker.

when walking home from school i saw an elderly man trying to jiggle his walker out of the door. but he couldn't do both at the same time. so he'd move the walker a little and take a step. and i opened the door. i mean it seems like a pretty natural thing for someone to do. but he was pretty taken aback that i would do a thing like that. and was very delightfully surprised.

as i was patting myself on the back for helping a stranger. *pat pat* i was thinking. i should smile more. this environment is cool, but it's not the most inspiring of joy. it's pretty gray and smelly and windy and bleak.

i went to cvs to get detergent for mah clothez. and it was way more expensive than i would've guessed. so i went to the food store to check there. it was even more. so finally i decide to check walgreens. where, it was on sale! victory! and i get in line. but the detergent doesn't feel right. and a lady gets on line behind me. and i open the detergent and it seems to have been poured or something. there was definitely less than there should be. so i get out of line to go pick up another of the same kind to test the weight. and i picked up the heavier one. i go back in line and the lady, who didn't speak that much english, offered me my spot back. i declined saying i got out of line, and she said "but i knew you were there."

i let her go first. but the point is the kindness of strangers is always a touching thing. so go be nice to someone. it's definitely easier to be nicer in a smaller place. in new york, people will do anything not to acknowledge each other. homeless man on street? don't make eye contact. strangers on subway? don't get too close. that's a part of the way our culture is. we don't want things to make us feel uncomfortable.

my cuticles are forever in debt to alex niedt.

they are breathtaking. truly beautiful. possibly the only wholly beautiful thing about me right now.

today i saw this.

it states what vitamins are in this particular vitamin water. now, to be frank, i didn't buy this for the vitamins. except maybe the vit c, as my virus has come back in worse strength. as you can see it says there is 120% of your daily vitamin c. 40% of vitamins b3, b5, b6, b12. check mark amount of vitamins a and e. and battery amount of electrolytes.

very scientific stuff guys.

let me complain again

i just remembered what happened between trains today.

when you switch trains at newark it always sucks. esp when pam and jim think it's cute to flirt their way up the stairs while i have three bags one of which is twice my size. so cute that when i get up from behind them, the train left. well, it was leaving. right before our eyes. so i was mad.

but not as mad as bitchface. that shall be her name henceforth. bitchface literally has a group of women around her. strangers and she's like screaming that this always happens and it's bullshit. and the women are encouraging her. AND SHE WON'T SHUT UP. guess the fuck what, bitchface. WE ALL MISSED THE SAME TRAIN. all of us. we wouldn't be on the platform listening to your fucking mouth if we hadn't. but it doesn't end with complaining. it goes onto and i quote: there won't be another train for an hour!

queue all of us looking at monitor which basically says bitchface is full of the same bullshit she's calling on newark penn station. it very clearly says that there are three upcoming trains to new york before the hour is over. to which she replies: we'll see. sometimes they put the track number on the screen and you go there and it's the wrong track.

can we take a second here and ask this question: what profit would newark penn station make by not letting passengers onto their trains? it's not like i miss a train and then i go, oh well, better walk from here instead and throw away my ticket. you're gonna take the ride you paid for. maybe even a ride you didn't pay for ala me every week reusing my ticket.

so then smartass bitchface, when the train finally does come, leads her group of women (who are all strangers) and says: let's ask the conductor. is this train going to new york?

IT SAYS NEW YORK ON THE SIDE OF THE TRAIN. but she has to be a smartass cunt about it. i have no patience for you bitchface. in fact, i was so tired, i almost got incredibly verbal with you.

but instead, i tweeted. that i was gonna have to show her the way new jersey works.

here is something good about the train ride: they didn't collect my ticket in between newark and new york so the next time i go home, i can just buy a ticket to newark for five dollars and make it all the way to somerville.

oh yeah

when i complain i have to say something good about the day and myself.

well, it didn't happen today but i did see alex. and she gave me LEMONY FUCKING FLUTTER. such a win. see previous post if you don't know what this means to me.

and about me: my cuticles are in tip top shape again. fuck yes.

beda fail.

i forgot about beda when i left my computer at school and i went home. but since i blogged 31 (now 32) times in april and it's only april 17th, i'm ok. i went home. and got motion sick. for basically the entire weekend. i should've known better. but it really hasn't been this bad ever. got motion sick again tonight on the train ride/ subway ride home.

but it's a new week. and i have lots of costumes to sew. and oh yeah some schoolwork.

i don't know how i got here.

but i somehow logically got to this place where i'm watching 9/11 specials and clips on youtube.

and bawling my eyes out.

on the plus side, 10 pages left!

FUCK YES

i'm gonna make this quick.

let's get down to business. to defeat. the huns.

i'm sick singing. this is bad.

i've got a play to write.

i really wish they made those popsicles i had as a kid. with flavors like fruit punch, cotton candy, and pink lemonade and they were like somehow softer than normal popsicles. i miss them. their wrappers told you what flavor they were. good ole times.

play. must write play.

wish me luck.

heard from my dorm:

i mean i see girls my age and younger wearing chanel flats and they don't have ten people giving them shit for it!

--he#1 on some girl in her class who "passive-agressively" tries to be friends with her and told her to admit that she's upper class.

i will feel so much better

once i finish this play.

i want a bagel so bad. MUST RETRIEVE BAGEL SOMEHOW.

a new thing.

why, ashley, i've noticed you complain a whole fucking lot.

yes. i do. on my blog.

so i've decided that if i complain about anything, i must also mention one good thing about the day.

i didn't know if i was going to go home today to go to the doctor's. the day started out shitty. like a shitty morning you know is foreshadowing for the rest of the shitty day.

because of benjamin bowtie, i didn't sleep well. i also choked on my own spittle in my sleep. i wake up. and shower and get ready for class. on the way to class, my nose was running. to render this snot ineffective i shot into duane reade in union square. i get some pocket tissue packs, some cough drops. everything is lookin golden. nobody at the checkout. i go to pay. bam. forgot my wallet.

big deal. i don't need no stinkin wallet for dramatic lit. i keep walking on. no tissues to be found. i'm mad that i forgot my wallet cause at this point i had decided to take a train home to see el doctoro. i wanted to go right after class and hop on the A train to penn and so on and so forth. but this would mean i have to go to my room. to get my wallet. so i'm feeling exhausted and defeated. i'm on 13th and 6th when i realize, what in the actual fuck am i gonna do in class? babble incoherently? then walk a mile to get my wallet sit on mutiple trains to get to the doctor?

so i skipped class. and i go back to my room. and nips. has conveniently not answered any of my texts/calls/emails. she was in an all day meeting.

so i had accepted i would see no doctor today and i would sit and watch arrested development until i died of exhaustion. but fortune had other plans. nips called. said i could see the doctor.

we get to the doctor (things happened in between but for the sake of storytelling we're skipping over them. stay with me, people!) and the doctor's office calls nips' cell. to talk to her about bloodwork or some other adult bullshit. and nips is all "oh this is so funny. i'm outside. ashley has an appointment with dr. randawa." and the doctor's office is all "that's impossible. dr. randawa had a family emergency. all her appointments were cancelled."

PAUSE. WHAT THE FUCK UNIVERSE! UNPAUSE

i have to see another doctor. a strange doctor. a doctor i don't wanna see but i'm sick and goddamnit i want some prescription meds. relax, i want an antibiotic.

the nurse who sees me first is the same nurse who took my last strep culture wrong. she is bizarre and i don't like her. she asks me "oh so you're having problems with your throat?" and i answer and she responds "i'm sorry could you speak up?" lady. i'm having throat problems. i've lost my fucking voice. go fuck yourself, hightlights.

anyway, it's not strep. and the doctor says "it's probably just a virus. they've been going around. you could have it for one to two weeks. get rest. drink lots of fluid."

excuse my all caps when i say ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? I CAME ALL THE WAY OUT TO THIS FUCKING PLACE TO HEAR YOU SAY WHAT I'D ALREADY BEEN DOING???? go sit on a chainsaw, doctor. honestly. i copayed for that bullshit.

and then i walked in the rain to meet my mom. did i have my umbrella? no. was i wearing a coat? no.

complaints over (not really)

here are some good things: after walking to meet up with nips, i got featha extensions, finalment! also, i got to see missy! this is always a good thing. i love that little furball of fluffy goodness.

in addition to the good things of the day, i'd like to help out my self-esteem, by saying one good thing about myself each day. today: my topknot looked really good on the train ride home. it was hella east village of me.

and my voice is fading.

tell me. should i be mad about it? or happy?

i'm probably going to see nips. so... happy.

in which benjamin bowtie enters and exits our lives.

i go to bed around 12. if my homework is done. as i'm wrapping up the father -- august strindberg, i hear a little shuffle. i'm sitting on my bed. and i look down to where the sound came from. behind my room mate's bed. a mouse. a fucking mouse. and at first, i'm like, you've gotta be fucking kidding me, right? but then i realize there is a mouse in my room. and so much more comes with a mouse being in your room. so i start to yell. my door is closed and i'm not near it but i want to get outta there, quick. "MOUSE! THERE IS A FUCKING MOUSE IN MY ROOM RIGHT NOW!" this scared benjamin bowtie (to be named later). and he ran. he was by my desk chair but he moved to behind my desk. quickly. so i make a run for it. and i jump on he#1's bed. and i'm mad cause i'm sick and i was about to sleep. i'm mad because there's a fucking mouse in my room and there isn't even food on the floor! i'm mad because it came from behind my room mate's bed, and she moved out. while visiting the room next door, cool hipster suggests naming it. at this point, i've made her do everything. i won't go back into my room unless she goes first. she puts out bits of cereal and does mouse calls. anyway, i wanted "some name that sounds like it would wear a bowtie." and i opened my strindberg book, and picked benjamin. benjamin bowtie.

also he#1 before i named it benjamin was like is a girl or boy mouse?

and i was like "boy. cause the little girl mouse is busy reading august stringberg. not scaring the shit out of me."

well, eventually benjamin, following our trail left, my room. ended up right in front of the door where i was sitting on he#1's bed. but i gasped and them he ran under the fridge. he kept popping his head out and everytime i wanted to show them that he existed, he'd hide again. finally. he came from all the way out from under the fridge. i should also mention that at this point cool hipster has two plastic containers with which she plans on catching little ole benny. as she is coming with the containers, he escapes. behind the garbages. and the only way out from there, is the door. i watched very intently to see if he had come back into the apartment, but he didn't. alas, benjamin bowtie. i'm sorry if we scared you. but you scared me for two hours and now i'm even sicker than before and scared to walk on my floor (rhyming couplet, thus the end of the act.)

in which i explain that i am sick.

yesterday, my throat hurt. i thought "ashley, you dumb dumb, you are dehydrated." nips always has diet soda on hand, but my body is used to a buncha water. so i quickly drank lots of water. and continued to drink lots of water. didn't help. then, i thought, well, when something hurts, especially my throat when i'm about to go to sleep, i take something. i decided to take ibruprofen, because that will take down any swelling which may or may not be causing the pain. well, i took it. and no, it didn't help. so i have no clue why my throat hurts but it really hurts. i usually have nips look at it with a flashlight but obviously that action is not possible. i tried looking myself, but all i have it a booklight. and it's not helping.

i do not know what else to do, but i am not very happy about it.

also it's about to be 75 degrees today. i do not want sickness to be like i know how beautiful it is outside but here's some pain. meh.

i hate lugging shit around.

i like very much that i live close enough to home that i can stop by and see missy. i just hate carrying all this shit around. if you could see me stumbling through the train stations, subway cars, and streets of ny you'd understand just exactly how much shit i have to bring back and forth.

i'm grateful to have shit. i just wish i didn't have to carry stuff back and forth.

i am so exhausted. but i wanted to (since i'm still up from saturday... unfortunately) blog about rent. and jessica blogged about crying from being proud. 1/2 the tears are from angel dying, 1/2 the tears were really me being so proud of saadiq. he was really honest up there. he deserves all the glory he wants for being so good in that show. i am so so so proud of him.

rent :o)

anipster thing

i gave her a face scrubbing pad. it's essentially a brillo pad for the face. and she asked me if i had ever used it to remove eye makeup.

I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. if you ever think of exfoliating your sensitive under-eye skin i will go to wherever you are committing this crime against your face and kill you promptly.

me in a text to jess: good news! i can blog from my phone.

then i come home to see that post below.

bad news, i can't.

let me reiterate what was in that blog.

today i took the PATH to newark instead of the train.

while in newark penn station, i called nips. to see what time the next train on the rarval line was coming. this is that story.

me: can you go to njtransit.com and tell me when the next train comes?

nips: i can, but it's not that easy. hold on.

me: hello.... hello... HELLO! (ten minutes of this pass. i hang up and call again)

nips: i told you it wasn't that easy. i'm using my mac.

me: this is a reason it would be easier.

nips: ok. what do i do?

me: njtransit.com. what time is the next train coming?

nips: where are you?

me: newark.

nips: you didn't go to information?

me: CAN YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION? WHAT TIME IS THE NEXT TRAIN COMING?

nips: raritan valley line. on time.

me: but what time?

nips: on time.

me: THAT'S NOT WHAT I ASKED.

nips: i don't know how to do this. what do i do? ok. um ok submit. uhhh 7:24.

why is everything the most painful thing ever with nips?

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he#1 (sarcastically): i can't wait to take the trash out tomorrow.

THE TRASH IS OVERFLOWING BUT IT'S YOUR FUCKING TRASH YOU IGNORANT BOWLING BALL.

i'm still awake from thursday

so this counts as thursday. i can't miss a day espec when i blog like five times a day.

my play is due in one week: PANIC.

the end.

i'm blogging from a very emotional place:

it's 1am. i'm gonna get my period soon. and it rained and was gross out.

i just want the universe to know what i'm looking for. and why i'm unhappy with it.

i just really don't want to be alone. my whole life i have put this pressure on myself to find someone. ever since i was little i wanted to get married at 18. obviously, i'm 21. but i guess what's truly important to me in this future or nonexistent person are a few key elements.

1. i need someone who will try. because i would rather have someone who tries too hard than someone who pretends to not care.

2. i really value quality time. so with this future/maybe nonexistent person and also with other people.

3. this one is the most important to me. i don't want my aspirations to be more important, and i don't want his aspirations to be more important. i want to help him with his and i want him to help me with mine. a companionship.

because for me, there is no such thing as someone "perfect" for me. or no such thing as people who are perfect for each other. just people who like you enough to work at it.

so universe, i hope this person exists. and if he doesn't, i guess that's ok, too. cause really who do i think i am? how should i know what's best for me?

ps- sorry if this is depressing. i didn't mean for it to be. it's kind of like. well, who knows what life has to offer.

a new thought on hipster ken.

he is so smart. oh wait, a new thought? he also has bible knowledge. good enough for me.

but on a serious note, he's so smart i would never be able to talk to him. i'm the most awkward person on the planet. don't people know this by now?

but, maybe i just am when it comes to men cause i charmed two girls from my playwriting class. making jokes and the like. we had fun. i interacted with two other humans and lived to tell the tale.

put that in your juicebox and suck it, universe.

the reason that popped into my head is because they laughed pretty hard when i told them that whenever i talk to strangers i sound like a pornographic five year old. which is terrible but they knew exactly what i meant. and it popped into my head because alex used to mock my phone voice at hair plus. and when i pulled up to drive thru windows. and nips mocks it, too. told me to open a sex line. know what, nips? i might. at least then i'd make some money.

so i went to the vineyard theater tonight

to see my professor's play. it was really good. know what else was good? the lead actor. yum. so i did some googling. he gets work. i'm not surprised i didn't recognize him. because he was a lead in cloverfield. a movie in which i covered my eyes the entire time. but alex, listen, he was on that show you like about the irish brothers. i think.

he was handsome. and he took off his shirt. and i enjoyed his performance.

more importantly, i had no idea that the vineyard theater was so legit. three shows i had heard of started there. THREE. i mean how many shows have i really heard of before? not that many.

[title of show], how i learned to drive, and most importantly avenue q all got their off-broadway runs in a theater literally two minutes from my dorm.

that's pretty exciting.

you know when you're like

i'm gonna argue with someone about doing something that i should really do, but the amount of time spent arguing the whole situation could have been dealt with if either of us were adult enough to realize that but we're not so let's argue and not solve anyone's problems.

well,

he#1 does.

the rain kicked my butt today.

i didn't have an umbrella. the forecast said it would rain after 12, and i'm usually home by 12. so i didn't buy one on the way to school. unfortunately, upon leaving school, it was pouring. literally buckets upon buckets. i got from 12th to 14th before reaching urban outfitters where i bought an umbrella. i was dripping. all over the store. my face was soaking wet. it was one of those freak spring downpours that lasts for like 10 minutes. i went two blocks. let me clarify, THAT'S NOT EVEN TWO BLOCKS. and it looked like i jumped into a pool.

i buy an umbrella and decide to take the subway which is literally outside of the urban outfitters. by the time i get off the subway, it's regular old raining. so in effect, i could've purchased an umbrella on canal st like i wanted to.

where's my double rainbow, universe?

i now remember what i was going to blog about!

but... unfortunately i cannot properly put it into words (what a awesome writer i must be!). basically, i was sitting, thinking about love and relationships. and i came to the conclusion that a healthy relationship is when two people are the same amount of fond for each other, and there is no problem with it. let me explain this better, in the way that i was thinking.

i told jess not too long ago, that if people didn't have anything keeping them apart, they'd probably never come together. i believe this. par example, par bad example, i should say, when nate and i were dating, in the beginning, he really really liked me, and i was not so sure about him. thus separating us, thus, us coming together. and in the end, i loved him a lot, and he couldn't give a shit about me. i feel like he saw the relationship as the beginning and the end. but i believe the meat of the sandwich was in the middle, when we both liked each other the same. that didn't last. a healthy relationship is when that lasts. does this even make sense?

because the see saw effect of going back and forth isn't what drives a relationship. at least not a healthy relationship.

i am going to re-read this in one week and be really embarrassed that i ever wrote it.

i was totally inspired to blog today at school

and totally forgot what i was meant to blog about right now. so here goes whatever pops up in my head whilst i am typing this.

i have to write a play. an entire play, by april 15th. this is incredibly scary.

today, in my theater theory class, which i usually sit through mouth ajar completely dumbfounded as to what is going on, i understood something. because instead of talking about theoretical philosophies of theatre, my professor put on the friday music video. and then played the clip of jimmy fallen and stephen colbert's cover, and finally, brecht made sense to me. because previously, i believed that these things that he puts on these timelines apply only to themselves. i didn't realize you could have a little of this in a performance and a little of that and you wouldn't have even known that it was there cause it's completely natural for us to see. that probably doesn't make sense. i guess i thought brechtian performances were of their own entity. and there weren't brechtian elements in a naturalistic performance, i don't know why i thought that but i did. i know better.

the class is still incredibly confusing for me, as i never thought about what makes theatre theatre before the class. because mostly i've never seen anything that would have challenged my opinion of what theatre is.

it also doesn't help that my professor is so clearly on team avant garde, so in favor of this style of theatre that he subconsciously degrades the kind of theatre that i like, the realistic or naturalistic.

next up, i ate almost an entire bag of baked chips. i really was so hungry i didn't want to wait for chicken to cook for me to have to eat it. so i'll have it for dinner.

also, i then ate vegetables, to balance it all out.

then, i took a short nap.

now, i have to write a paper, well, edit an already written paper on as you like it. which i don't want to do. i feel like my entire shakespeare class has more advanced thought processing brains than me. so my papers must look like shit when he reads them all together. i have nothing good to say. also, alex, we need to skype more about hamlet, i much prefer your opinions to the douchebag who sits in the back of class. btw he is a douchebag. i can tell. because he's good looking. and he's aware of it. i also saw him on a subway once and i think he couldnt tell how he knew me.

after the paper, the cherry orchard. i'm gonna be honest about this one, i like chekhov. so i'm looking forward to it.

friday is stuck in my head. so the subtext of my typing 'i'm looking forward to it" was actually we we we so excited. we so excited.

yep.

this is a really long and boring blog. but it's beda.

thoughts from places blog.

since moving to new york in january, i can't say i've done anything truly touristy. but when family members ask if they can come in and visit me and "see new york" i won't ever say no. because seeing family is nice, but it also means that they will fill me with food, and probably spending cash. so we began our trip in my dorm. i don't often understand anyone who wants to tour my dorm, because you can see the entire dorm from almost any standing point in the dorm. after eating lunch, we headed to the 4 train, no 5, no 4. we had a little trouble navigating with the many construction sites in subway stations at the moment. i love riding the subway. i love the dirty floors. i love the germy metal poles. i love sitting, watching people. we got off on fulton st. a quick caffine stop and off to-- to-- well, we didn't have much of a plan. we wanted to see ground zero, but there isn't much to see. in fact, what lies in ground zero is construction. lots and lots of construction. i wanted to know where the towers once stood. no one really seemed to know exactly. and by no one, i mean no one in my family. the construction site is nothing to oo and ahh at, the whole point of seeing ground zero is remembering. remembering that two towers once stood and defined the new york city skyline. remembering that on september 11, 2001 two planes were flown into those towers. remembering that people -- lots of people-- died by simply going to work that day. remembering that in that one day, the world changed from one anxious little bubble, to the scariest thing i've ever heard of.

before we went to the overlook at ground zero, we stopped at st. paul's church. a very small church. a church that has some of the oldest graves in america. george washington used to attend services there. to think that a small church with such old and frankly crumbly looking graves still stands while two very powerful buildings filled with thousands of people fell. st. paul's church was a site of rest for firefighters and volunteers who were working through the rubble of those fallen building. they slept on benches and child size cots. in a church that was plastered with notes of encouragement from children all over the country. but now, what we have are memorials. odes to the fallen. it's very interesting that the phrase always attached to 9/11 is "never forget" because i do believe some people have forgotten. it's good that there are these odes, piles of teddy bears sent, a giant banner from students in oklahoma, patches from every fire dept in the country. i remember.

week one gold star chart: over.

i have to edit it and post it, but it's coming soon. jess, who had a really rough week (personally and not star merit wise) will also post hers. super stoked.

dear LUSH costmestics:

please make lemony flutter cheaper. i've tried so many different options but nothing is as good as your cuticle butter. it is actually life changing. my body is going through withdrawals and i'm suffering hardcore without it. but i cannot pay $16. i literally scooped the entire jar clean. i've tried orly cuticle cream. not the same. j.r. watkins lemon cuticle salve. not the same. your formula is magic and i wish i could afford you.

LEMONY FLUTTER CUTICLE BUTTER IS MAGIC. they make it at pigfarts. even rumbleroar loves it. who doesn't want soft paws and the best cuticles this side of the galaxy?

i don't know if my point is truly made, but i just wanted to get that out.

i better blog before the day is out

i can't believe it's almost midnight. i've done nothing today. except i did manage to open he#1's beer bottle without a bottle opener. door jamb! i'm a mother fucking magician.

i just want to eat chocolate chips out of the bag

until my stomach explodes. won't be long now.

ps- i finally ate something, about two hours ago.

BEDA

it's blog everyday of april month. so jess, you should start blogging. today. no day but today, ah oui? also, alex you should be more accessible to the internet for my sake. i'm feeling bossy today.

last night i tried to stay off the internet so that i could properly go to bed early to get up at 7:30 to go to a 9:30 job interview. i wanted to hit the hay around 11:30. i couldn't sleep until 12. then, at 2:30, my room mate enters stage right. and she bangs her shit around and slams her drawers. and when i get up, she says "oh did i wake you?" YES. yes you fucking did. i'm already anxious because of the interview i do not need anything more to raise my blood pressure keeping me from relaxing. but i get it anyway. because she makes phonecalls. she skypes. but she's whispering. because she knows she woke me up. so i can't be mad at her not trying because she did. then, she's typing. and by typing i mean she must've been slamming her hands on her keyboard cause it was so loud. and i was getting riled up by the loud typing and the anxiety and i was so angry. it's nearly 4am when i decide to plug myself into some instrumental music on my iPod but i can still hear her typing, and i've got a fear of choking myself with my headphone wire. but right around 4am, she finally stops typing/talking/moving/slamming doors. and i sleep. until 5am, when she wakes me up again. this time i fall asleep faster because i'm exhausted. but while i'm asleep, she's in every one of my dreams. I CANNOT ESCAPE. i'm basically working off of a decent amount of sleep, but i'm accustomed to at least 7 hours here.

i've come to this conclusion. i would much rather have someone deliberately pissing me off. someone who is spiting me by making phonecalls at 2:30am than have someone who has no idea that maybe the person who is currently asleep would like the stay asleep. someone who has no sympathy, no empathy, no real sense of other. because she would have no idea that i have a job interview that i want to be well rested for. because she would never think to ask me why i'm asleep.

at any rate, my under eye circles look like two curry puffs (i'm also starving right now.)

so yeah, i really didn't want to complain, and i did take half responsibility, saying that it was my anxiety mixed with my anger. i just wanted to state that i'd rather room with a bitch than with someone who has NO CLUE WHATSOEVER that they're being an inconsiderate booger.

also, about the interview, i got there late. i did call. i got lost. when i got there, the owner still had half a head of foils to do before he could talk to me. so i sat and waited for 15 minutes. my actual interview was maybe 2 minutes. i don't know. i probably did not get the job. i don't really care. cause if i was meant to, then i would. i'm ok with this.

i feel very rant-y today. it's probably my low blood sugar. i'm really hungry.

i knew that if i wait long enough

that the toilet paper standoff would end. i had a hintling of an idea that this might happen, but only in my wildest dream. he#1 got toilet paper before cool hipster got home and i guessed she would and she did indeed also buy toilet paper. YES! SUCK IT WORLD!

toilet paper standoff over! yes.

oh by the by

there's a toilet paper standoff in this dorm. as in, i just bought a 12 pack during spring break and i refuse to buy toilet paper, and everyone else refuses to buy it, too. so we don't have toilet paper. i'm going to the subcellar to pee. i refuse to buy toilet paper. i just bought it. the end.

inconsequential blog

i want dumpling. if your name is alex niedt, you already know this. if your name is jess idell, please assume i will always want dumplings for forever. that is all.

i have a lifelong headache

gahhhddfghjklslkdjhgfhdjklsdfkjhghjekfivuhybnjmdkfvjnh

life makes me feel this way. ^

it's 5 o clock, do you know why my room mate is AFUCKINGSLEEP?

cause i don't. except to stop me from doing anything in my room. what the actual fuck?

blogging for the sake of blogging

there is no actual point to me having a blog, twitter, tumblr, facebook, and whatever else i have that i can't remember right now. but i do have them. and i do update them. well, not the facebook, adults found my facebook and whenever i update about anything there is a comment from my uncle (my dad's brother who much like my dad, i've never met), my pastor (watching my every status update like a hawk), or his wife (who i like but only ever comments "i miss you"). i guess i update this blog cause alex told me to. also because i want a gold star for today. also because there is a certain blogger *cough fabnico* that NEVER updates. and it's very troublesome for my life.

i have some thoughts for today though. on the subject of anton chekhov, who i was annoyed at then liked now i'm annoyed at him again. i read all these articles about him. two written by russian authors in the same time and one an interview with ian mckellan. what annoyed me was that the articles painted a very clear picture of anton chekhov. he was a nice guy. a really gentle, humble guy. he didn't have a temper. he wasn't cynical at all. while reading his plays i got the impression that he hated the world like a 14 year old girl who just got her period for the first time. i understand he wasn't writing the way ibsen was, to point out what was wrong with society, but chekhov did point out what was wrong with society. he just didn't aim to. so i'm annoyed at him. he was probably handsome too. he was like the edward cullenovich of his time. well, more like the dr. carlisle cullenovich, cause he also saved fucking lives. like he wrote plays that are really quite well written and thought of it as a small hobby, because he was a doctor first.

so there you go. blogging for the sake of blogging on anton chekhov for the sake of anton chekhov.

on a unrelated note

just kidding. it's all related. cool hipster just washed he#1's dishes. does she read my blog? on top of that. i found out hipster ken's real name. zach. and he has a girlfriend. sorry, rosie. but he is still really smart and if we were supposed to pick lab partners i'd shout out his name real fast so i could get him first.

so...

he#1 noticed that we threw out her tea (it was nearly done, just taking up 2 gallons worth of space. and thinks that cool hipster is passively aggressively not washing her dishes on purpose. i was like no. i wash my own dishes. cool hipster washes her own dishes. he#1 says that she knows sometimes cool hipster washes everyone's dishes, so she thought she was just leaving out he#1's dishes and washing everyone else's. no. no. no. no. no. no one is washing cool hipster's dishes but cool hipster and she only washes them when she needs them. so shit will sit out for days. and i wash my dishes immediately after dirtying them because i want to go nowhere near that disgusting sink. so he#1, you're not washing your own dishes. no one is attacking you. get the fuck over it and fast.

food rant

sometimes it actually grosses me out how unhealthy people are. AND I'M HELLA UNHEALTHY. i mean, i've been known to dabbled in the art of the iced cream. but to me, there's a difference between well meaning things that aren't good for you and scary-ass things that are terrible for you. i've pretty much eaten well today. i had like a mug of ice cream after my dinner. but there is a line between a mug of ice cream and 46 oz of mountain dew. the difference being, sugar, caffeine. the difference being that mountain dew is a lifestyle choice. maybe that's it. i have a problem with people being ignorant about what they put into themselves. i'm from the school of thought that if you know how bad for you something is, it's less bad for you. it's not true. but it's a mindset. i know that i cannot possibly eat mcdonald's for breakfast, quick chek for lunch, and burger king for dinner BECAUSE I WILL DIE. it annoys me that people my age think they're invincible. because i know i'm not.

don't get me wrong, you can have your cake and eat it, too. and if you don't finish your slice, i'll prolly be all over your plate, but i can't mindlessly put shit into my body everyday. cake is for birthdays. energy drinks are for--- ok never cause they increase your heartbeat and i have heart problems in my family. caffeinated beverages for all nighters. cheeseburgers for hangovers. and tacos for your period.but some people should just plug themselves into an IV of lard.

ps- if you think this is about you, it's not. ESPECIALLY YOU ALEX NIEDT. i'm not buying it. you eat right. it's about person A. who gets on my nerves a lot but doesn't ever read this blog.

pps- do i have food issues?

i have one plate

one. not two. one. and so because of this i assume that no one will use it. mistaken. and when someone uses your shit you'd expect them to wash it. mistaken again. i just had to wash my plate after it's been sitting in the sink. there's a reason my plate's never in the sink. it's because the sink is disgusting. i don't put anything in the sink. i just immediately wash it. for sanitary reasons. so fuck all away from my plate, bitches.

i changed it.

but for now it's just basically to get rid of the shoes and the purple. right now it's just a picture from hipsterverypottermusical.tumblr.com

something else.

i would really like to change this fucking stupid template i have but i can't. i keep trying and it won't let me.

today is the first day...

of the week. i was gonna say rest of my life but then the reality of me actually doing the gold star challenge for the rest of my life is improbable. but it may change my life, at least my procrastination. see the gold star challenge is a challenge made up by myself and jess. we would tell each other about the small achievements of each other's day and give each other metaphorical gold stars. well, guess what, bitches? taking it to the next level. the gold star challenge just got hella real. it's the first day. i'm gonna put it at the bottom of this blog. hopefully it will end up on the bottom cause if it ends up at the beginning, this whole rant will have no purpose. ok. so i'll update this chart everytime i blog here. and i'll put it on tumblr prolly in a week or maybe even today.

i guess the real point of the gold star chart is to encourage life's little things. i feel better about myself if i've done my homework. or successfully interacted with humans. why not get a gold star for that shit? [i should also note, that i've already gotten two stars (to be edited in a bit) and i've been up for 15 minutes]

i overheard my room mate last night

screaming (btw she only has one volume: loud) outside my door eating mcdonald's with her friends drunk. it's 2:30am. that's a totally acceptable time to be out on a friday night. it really is. but here's my question. why did you have to stay right outside my door? why not at mcdonald's? why not in the student lounge where no one can hear you? but i overheard her saying some things that bothered me.

1. she was telling cool hipster (who had gotten in just a little before that, sick from her first four loko experience) that she wanted to have a room mates dinner. CH could cook korean. RM could attempt thai though she says she's not a very good cook. and then she said. "But they don't need to make anything cause American food is shithole." I don't know why I was offended by this. I mean, America doesn't really have its own food cause its made up of so many cultures. The only true American food is like a hamburger or a hot dog but even those derive from some other culture. I guess I was just insulted for America.

2. As she and her friend stumble into my room (which is pitch black as I am trying to sleep but can't seem to) she shushes her friend and says "we can't yell or else my room mate will be bitch." She can't control her volume anyway and is shushed by her friend. I literally have never given her a problem. I tell my problems to this blog. I have said one thing to her. That I think she should clean the bathroom because her four guests left it flooded. Since then everything was kosher.

It's really weird to hear what people are saying when they think you're asleep. btw, i'm a pro fake sleeper. i've heard at least three people's opinions of me by fake sleeping.

2.5 hours later, someone on the fourth floor thought it was a good time for the fire alarm to be pulled. so i go outside into very cold weather with my pajamas on. there was no fire. and while we're on the subject of overhearing things, 65% of students standing out in the cold were saying something along these lines: "there better be a fire." or "i'm so mad at whoever pulled that alarm." i think this is stupid. here's why.

1. you do not actually want a fire. you're trying to be clever by exaggerating. it didn't work.

2. if you actually want a fire, you need help. because that's saying you wish harm on your own and other people's belongings. also there were definitely people who weren't awoken or evacuated. so you're wishing them harm too.

3. how can you be mad at someone who pulled a fire alarm? i think they did to be funny. it wasn't. but what if they pulled it because they thought there was an emergency? maybe they started a small fire in their dorm and panicked and were probably drunk or high.

4. when the fire dept came (and they did) and didn't find anything, you were even madder at whoever did this because you were asleep or cold or whatever. i just feel like everyone needs to get over themselves. why am i the only person who ironically knows how to cooperate? because usually i'm spiting left and right for the sake of nothing.

but i did learn something. hipster, artist, burnout, party girl, musician, actor, scientist, freshman, no matter who you are. everyone looks the same in their pajamas. how cool can you be in sweatpants and a t-shirt? pretty fucking cool, in my opinion.

one more thing about that credit card debt. so i figured out that i had it when i kept getting calls from a 1-800 number. and i didn't answer cause i don't answer numbers that aren't in my phone book cept on special occasions. well, when you DO answer this number. do you know what the machine says? hello, this is a blah blah blah. please call this number (same number as the one that called me) today. wait wait wait. i just picked up the phone. and you want me to call the number i picked up for. THATS WHY I PICKED UP THE FUCKING PHONE. that's why i picked up the fucking phone. then when you call the number. it puts you on hold and doesn't offer you any sort of suggestion for what you're supposed to press or what it's regarding so you really have no idea. point being: MACYS SUCKS. and i don't care if they see this and fire.

i just nipsed the shit out of bank of america

so when i was a younger nicer person and i saw that i had fees on something, i'd pay the fees. oh no, bitch, not today. macy's had a collection agency out for the $50 i owed on my prepayed credit card: meanwhile, i am still technically employed by macy's. so in trying to handle that i went onto my bank of america site to see what their routing number looked like (my pnc one was a hot mess of not enough numbers) and in clicking found out that the savings account i had opened 4 months ago had three maintenance fees on it. that's peculiar as i distinctly remember opening one because it had no fees for 6 billing cycles or 6 months. old ashley would've gone to an atm and put her precious $10 into her savings account. new ashley called bank of america and got them to refund $15. yeah, i won $5. suck on it, world! ps- i learned this from nips, hence the title. nips is the queen of emailing, calling, fighting her way into better customer service. she gets coupons for free shit. she gets discounts. she gets her way. that's why she's nips.

i also figured out the routing number and got my macy's card paid off. i feel like such a bamf today.

nips: why are you in your dorm? why don't you go out to a museum or something?

me: .... cause getting there would cost money.

but really. nips. we just talked about how i don't eat out cause it costs money.... but i should spend the money on going to a museum. i love museums. know what i love more? EATING.

i don't know what's wrong with me! i'm not angry at he#1. i'm not annoyed at my roommate.

i can't be mad at someone who's grandpa just died. plus, before she told me this i realized that whatever i decide to do with my living situation next year, i will not have to see/be friends with/clean up after/tolerate/not yell at he#1. because i will not see her. we aren't friends. so there will be no need for seeing her. so i decided to just let it go. everything she does. i don't have to deal with it forever, so i can't stay mad forever.

next my room mate, she is not a mean person, just inconsiderate. but she said something to me that really made me feel bad. she said she missed home. and then i realized. her home is thailand. not hillsborough,nj. she can't just go there and fight with her mom for a weekend. she has to wait months. they don't even speak the same language in this country. and they have an 11 to 12 hour time difference. so at midnight she called her mom. and i wanted to cry. she was so incredibly sweet and they were singing and laughing with each other. after she talked to her mom. we talked. the way that sisters do and friends do at sleepovers-- in the pitch black trying to fall asleep.

now: to alex niedt. if you miss home, i'm really sorry. and i'm sorry that i hate going home cause i'm sure you'd love to see your mom and winston and your brother and your crazy aunt.

there is this kid in my class. my shakespeare class. he wears cosby sweaters and worn out vans and chucks. and hipster glasses. but they're not fake. i think he's the smartest person on the planet. wait that's not true. i think he's the most intuitive when it comes to shakespeare. which means, he's sexy. for being smart about the bard. everytime he opens his mouth rainbows come out. rainbows of magic and intelligence and i wish that he could talk about shakespeare all day everyday. he's like the hipster kenneth branaugh. but way less cocky. he shall be henceforth known as hipster ken.

today while speaking on the "twoness" of hamlet. one person commented that hamlet is the only single in a play of doubles. someone else asked what about horatio? well hipster ken was on it. explaining that horatio sort of becomes a combination of the character horatio and the character marcellus and that their are discrepancies with the character of horatio for this reason. he went on. but you get the drift.

you guys, he's like my own person sparknotes.

on a way sadder note: he#1's grandpa died. like i said, i don't want anybody's grandpa to die. so rip he#1's grandpa.