as if constant anxiety wasn't enough

adding to my perpetual fear of never finding anyone to be with for the rest of my life, i now realize that even if i found someone, they're bound to hate my family. or let me phrase this correctly, my family will act the way they did today and this fictional boyfriend will pass up on the next holiday dinner--- to get teeth pulled. seriously, family, get yourself together. and if you don't believe me, let's take a little looksie into a conversation we had tonight, shall we?

this scene is to be acted out with the melodrama and fake blonde hair of a spanish soap opera. it will star my brother's girlfriend, let's call her L and my mom, let's call her N.

L: (is playing angry birds on her cell phone) well, we decided we're getting married in three places. once in columbia with all my family there, once in jamaica for jay's family. and a brunch here so your grandmother can come. you're invited to all three. so you can go to all or just one if you want.

N: well, no offense L but columbia kind of scares me. so i don't know which one i'll go to.

ME: i'll go to whichever one the airfare is cheaper for.

L: well, N, it's up to you, but columbia is beautiful and if you want to remain ignorant that's your own choice.

N: i'm sure that you could understand what with everything they put on the news...

L: they only want to play negative stories, your son went, he felt safe the whole time, right?

My brother: ...um... no, not always.

L: now you're just making that up. You didn't feel completely safe??

My Brother: not all the time.

L: it's the same as jamaica.

N: kingston, jamaica.

It should be noted that my brother's family is from Jamaica, the incredibly rich part of jamaica-- and not kingston

This is an entirely different tangent. I just wanted to say that everyone I know is fucking crazy. The end.