he#1 gets some competition

let's call her RM, roommate. he#1 has created more trash in this dorm than anyone. I've got pictures to prove it. She won't do her own dishes, she doesn't take out all this trash she creates, and she's just plain ole lazy. But this is old hat. We've heard it all before.

And just in time, for part of my problems to be solved with a garbage taking out schedule, RM steps in. Here's a little conversation between RM and myself

RM: Are you going home this weekend?

Me: I don't know I might. I was going to

RM: Well, that'd be perfect cause I'm having people over.

Me: Oh, well, I mean, I don't really have a reason to go home anymore.

RM: Oh really? Shit. I mean it'll be two girls. So they'll be one on the floor

*SUBTEXT* If you leave she'll sleep in your bed

Me: I'm probably going to be here.

*SUBTEXT* over my dead body, bitch.

RM: We're going to go out so we won't be home til like late

Late to RM means 5 am. as you'll see.

Me: Ok. I mean I don't wake up too easy so that's fine.

RM: Ok. I'm gonna go to sleep

Me: Ok.

It's 4pm..... I now cannot do anything in my room because RM is a light sleeper. hence why she doesn't sleep here. i snore.

later that evening. her friends arrive.

30 minutes later, she introduces us.

they speak thanglish the whole night. half thai half english. they are loud. they are skinny so i hate them and they look not slutty in slutty clothes. does not compute.

they leave around 11:45ish to go "predrink" or as we say pregame.

i decide i should go to bed around 2ish.

they come in hours after i've fallen asleep. i don't know what time it is. they are loud.as.hell. i don't just say that because they woke me up at what i would later know as 5am. i say that because they woke up the girl in the room over who has a bed furthest from the door. and her door was shut. she got up and told them to stfu. but meanwhile before that, while i was in a half asleep stupor i shifted as to show them that they had woken me. and RM's friend says "Oh! your roommate." subtext: we're waking her up. to which RM responds in thanglish basically 'oh well who cares.'

then at 6am. this time i checked my clock. for FORTY MINUTES someone's alarm was going off. who's alarm? i have no effing idea because they were passed out cold. it went off for so long that i actually fell asleep, had a dream about the alarm being mine, woke up to check, and found out that it wasn't.

then around 10:30, i have to pee. i try to get up to go to the bathroom, and there are piles of shit blocking the already tight space between the beds. and once you get past the piles of shit you have to successfully walk over someone's legs to half open the door to squeeze out to get to the bathroom. i did not sign up to play legends of the hidden temple to take a morning pee.

then i go back and lay down. as it turns out RM is the one on the floor. she gets up and i shit you not, starts iChatting. does she use her headphones? does she turn the volume down? no. she speaks in very loud not whispering thai. there are literally three people asleep in a room and she woke everyone of us up. followed by her going over to the bed where her two friends slept saying: wanna go do brunch? they get up and start to get ready and as this happens, RM goes and lays down in her bed and falls asleep.

so i think from here on out RM is now he#2. not because she's any less of a hipster enemy than he#1 just because the hipster enemies list keep growing.